Marriage between Muslims and Non Muslims |
by Arif Khan asklogic@yahoo.com
In following discussion I will attempt to address the issues invloved in a Muslim marrying a non-Muslim. I will first discuss the matter in the light of religious laws and the opinions of scholars. Then I will discuss the social aspects of family life and children in an inter-faith marriage. The ideas in this part are based on my and my friends' personal experiences in inter-faith marriages and may be at VERY odds with your experiences or views on this matter. Readers are encouraged to indicate any mistakes that I make here regarding Islamic laws and teachings. Note: References are provided at the end of this article.
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CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE IN ISLAM: There are several passages and verses in The
Holy Qur'an regarding marriage and family that encourage Muslims to be married,
if possible. The Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has even said that when a Muslim
marries, he has fulfilled half of the religious devotion and duties and then
he should take care of other half by being God-minded and aware of his
obligations. [1] Marraige is considered a religious duty in Islam and is
enjoined upon all believers who can afford it. It provides a moral safeguard
and legal means to develop relationship with the opposite sex and to extend
the family. It is both solemn and sacred above physical terms. It is not
only a contract between two persons committing themselves to eachother but
it is a contract to which God Almighty is made the first Witness. It is made
with every intention of making it permanent to the eternal success. Celibacy
is NOT recommended either for Muslim men or women. "The motivating cause
of union - matrimonial and carnal - between the spouses is said to be love.
This is a Qur'anic thesis that affirms the primacy of love as the cause of
marriage, not simple reproduction. Nevertheless, the religious authorities,
almost unanimously, interpret marriage as primarily reproductive in nature
and as a means of perpetuating the species. .....Islam views the carnal act
as not merely the source of pleasure but also of as a source of "barakah"
means that sexuality has apositive conotations and is not associated with
sin,.."[2] The following issues must be observed when a marriage based on
Islamic priciples is desired[3]: - Both parties should get familiarized sincerely
with eachother without getting involved in immoral acts or crossing boundaries
set by Islamic moral teachings. No party should attempt to deceive the other
in this process. - Woman should be chosen on the basis of their permanent
values, such as, high morals, religious devotion, and not merely on her
attractiveness or other mudane wealths. The Prophet is reported to have said
that a woman is ordinarily sought as wife for her wealth, for her beauty,
for the nobility of her stock, or for her religios qualities; but blessed
and fortunate is he who chooses his mate for piety in preference to everything
else. [4] - Woman is encouraged to judge whether the man is actually worthy
of her respect, love and capable of providing her happiness in the whole
life. She should consider if her marriage to the man will be allow her to
fulfill the duties of a wife wholeheartedly. - Woman has a right to demand
dowry (gift) from the man that she feel comfortable with. The man should
meet her demands to show his willingness to undertake to responsibilities
of married life and his readiness and capability to fulfill her justified
needs. - The consent of both man and woman is necessary condition for the
marriage without which the marriage is not valid. - The marraige ceremony
should be made as publicly known as possible and should be celebrated in
a joyful manner. - The marriage ceremony should be held before atleast two
adult witnesses from the community and should be registered in official
documents. - The maintenance of the wife and family is husband's duty. The
marriage entitles her with these rights and imposes certain obligations upon
both parties. Any property which belongs to her before or during the marriage,
the man has no right to the wife's property during or after the marriage.
This issue relieves the marriage of certain materialistic objectives and
ensures the bond remain noble and beyond mundane greed. The role of husband
demands him to be bound by the promise to God to be kind and patient toward
her; to keep her honorably in the marriage or otherwise free her from the
martial bond honorably.[ Ref. Surah 2:229-232; 4:19] The wife is expected
to work toward the happiness and comfort of her family. Wife must be sincere
toward the family and honest and loyal to her husband. She should not
deliberately avoid conception against her husband's will [1]. Both spouses
should keep eachother's honor and protect and gratify eachother with love.
When a marriage based on Islamic principles has irreconcilable differences
or irreparable damage done to the mutual trust, then as a last resort to
make the distasteful marriage end, divorce is applicable. Divorce has been
defined by the Prophet as the most detestable of all lawful things in the
sight of God Almighty. Scholars believe a final course must be followed before
a divorce is made final[5]: - Both parties involved should try to reconcile
the difference, settle the disputes and solve the problems within themselves.
- If they fail to come to an agreement and solve their problems, then a person
from husband's relations and the other one from wife's should arbitrate the
situation. - If both attempts fail and both parties agree, divorce can be
applied. - If after a divorce, a reunion occurs, it will be regarded as a
fresh marriage. However, there can be no more than two reunions. The third
divorce is a final one. In that case, the only possibility is that the woman
need to marry another man after "iddat" (varies from 3-12 monthly periods
for diff. opinions; See Surah 2:228), consummate the marriage and get divorced
and remarry the first husband again after "iddat." (See 2:30). It allows
a man to be thoughtful and composed in such serious matters and the marriage
with another man allows a woman to evaluate if there are other men better
than her first husband that she would like to be married. There is no compulsion
in her getting divorced from the second husband, if she likes him better
than the first one. [See also 2:224-232; 4:34-35; 4:127-130] Some relatives
that cannot be joined in a marriage are described in Surah Nisaa 4:22-24.
The following are the positions of scholars and Islamic laws on marriages
bewteen Muslims and non-Muslims: MUSLIM WOMAN AND NON-MUSLIM MAN: ..... And
give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun** till they believe
in Allah alone and verily a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik,
even though he pleases you....[2:221] ** Al-Mushrikun=>Pagans, idolators,
polytheist and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah and in His messanger
Prophet Muhammad SAW) - [[6]] Islam considers the husband head-of-the-family
and therefore requires that a Muslima cannot marry a non-Muslim because she
will be under the authority of a non-muslim husband. He may prevent her from
carrying out her religious obligations by either pressuring her or physically
abusing her. But it is not the sole reason for imposing the restriction.
The situation is considered very damaging for the woman to practise Islam
afterwards and even worse for the kids in such marriages. There are NO conditions
mentioned under which a Muslim woman IS allowed to get married or remain
married to a non-Muslim husband after she has accepted Islam. Therefore,
even if she has freedom to practise Islam after marriage, she is NOT allowed
to enter into an inter-faith marriage. MUSLIM MAN AND NON-MUSLIM WOMAN: MARRIAGE
WITH CHRISTIANS AND JEWS: The marriages between Muslim men and CERTAIN non-Muslim
women is allowed. However, certain restricitions exist on such marriages,
especially if they occur in non-Muslim lands where Islamic law and religion
is not prevailing. Here I am translating the "fatwaa" from Maulana Muhammad
Yousuf Ludhianvi, a well-known Muslim scholar from Pakistan, answering a
question regarding the shar'aii position of marriages in the US with non-Muslim
women. This question was asked by a Pakistani Muslim, living in the US, and
it appeared in Maulana's column that is published every Friday in a daily
newspaper, "Jang". He interprets the Islamic law as following: /******* 1-
Non-Muslim women, to whom Muslim men can marry, are the women from Christian
and Jewish religions who are residents of "Daar-ul-Islam****" nations where
Islamic law prevails) and who are thereby called, "Dhi'mmi" (those who give
Jazzia instead of Zakaat in an Islamic state??), but NOT the residents of
"dar al-kufr" (where the kuffar or non-Islamic rule exist). To these women,
marriage is allowed but is "mukrooh tanzihi." (I can't translate it properly)
2- With Christian or Jewish women, who are resident of "dar a-harb"****,
the nikah (the marriage contract) will be valid, but will be a "mukrooh Tahrimi"
(worse than tanzihi) situation. The act which is "mukrooh tarhimi" is so
close to "haraam" (not permissible at all) that it is ALMOST "haraam" and
is "na'jaiz" ie. not legal. The man involved will be responsible for committing
an act which is so close to a state of "sin". **** Victor Danner describes
"Dar al-Islam" as : the House of Islam, or the Islamic world; the Islamic
community, where submission to the Divine Will reigns; Opposed to dar- al-harb
( the non-Islamic community) 3- It is required that the women should be
practising their religion at the time of marriage and they are not practically
"Mulhid" (atheist). To any women, who doesn't believe in God, religion, God's
message and doesn't practise any religion at all, the "nikaah" (marriage)
will be INVALID and according to "shari'ah" (Islamic Law), such a couple
is involved in sin. 4- If any Muslim marries a woman from "People of the
Books", the children, by shar'iah (Islamic law) are considered to be Muslim.
For instance, often, in "dar al-harb," the kids adopt the religion of their
mother; and, sometimes, a marriage is arranged upon agreements between the
couples that half of kids will adopt mother's and the other half will follow
father's religion. If a Muslim man agrees to ANY of such terms accepting
the kids to be raised non-Muslims, the person will be regarded as a "Murtid"
(the one who has denied Islam) because he has allowed his kids to become
"kaafir" who may have been brought up in Islamic religion. Anyone who willingly
and knowingly allows/agrees for his kids to become "kaafir" is regarded as
"kaafir." He is out of the Islamic circle. If he had any Muslim woman in
his "nikaah" before this marriage, the Muslim woman is free from his bond
(because a Muslim woman can't remain married a non-Muslim). 5- Since some
of our naive Muslim youngmen, living in the West, get married to the christian
women in their countries. And since, usually, the local courts allow the
women to get the custody of kids and the divorce settlement in their favor,
our youngmen are "khusar al-duniyaa wal'-aakhiraah", means the wanderer or
lost in this world and the Hereafter. Since, according to sharia'ah, the
"al-maa'roof ka'almashrrot", meaning whatever is prevailing or common practise
in the society is being accepted in a marriage contract. It means a Muslim
man, by getting married under these circumstances in these countries, is
knowingly agreeing that the woman may, in case of divorce, gets the custody
of the kids and is free to raise them afterwards as she pleases. 6- For all
the above stated reasons, in non-Muslim countries, it is not allowed for
Muslim youngmen to marry Christian women. For the reason #3 (woman not practising
a religion), the "nikaah" isn't even valid. Since the reason #4, leads to
"kufr" and he becomes "murtid", the marriage to any Muslim wife becomes invalid.
The reason #5 is not apllicable, if the local laws do not usually grant custody
to woman or if Muslim man hasn't agreed to any "kufriaah" terms (such as
accepting some kids to be raised as non-Muslims). "Haaza ma' indee, wal'Allah
ilm bis'swaab." *******/ As it is clear, that Maulana Yousuf's position is
extremely strict on the issue of getting married to non-Muslim women in the
West. But so is the seriousness of such situations. A scholar at Dar ul-Noor
hifz school and Al-Farooq Masjid, Atlanta, Dr. Abdul Ghaffar, recommends
that if a Muslim is already married to a non-Muslima, he should REMAIN married
to her. He should be kind and passionate to her and facilitate her understand
of true Islam. He should reflect Islam in his character and encourage her
to become Muslim voluntarily before kids are born into such marriage. At
that time, I found out the Al-Farooq Masjid doesn't even administer ANY
inter-faith marriages. The best option under these circumstances is to introduce
the woman to Islam and WAIT for her to accept Islam before getting married.
Imposing any firm conditions of her accepting Islam before marriage will
NOT do any good. Because, if a woman is willing to accept Islam merely to
get married to a Muslim man that she likes, she will be most likely to leave
Islam if the marriage ends up in a divorce or even if the marriage becomes
unpleasant for her. It should be desireable that a woman accepts Islam solely
for the reason that she likes Islam. Any forceful acceptance of Islam is
not likely to be permanent nor very suitable for a happy marriage. If the
woman is not a Muslim by her own choice, then in case of divorce, she may
leave Islam and be free to date and marry a non-Muslim. Her new family may
ultimately decide how to raise the Muslim man's children. This situation
should never be acceptable to any Muslim man. MARRIAGE WITH KUFFARS: Marriages
between Muslims and atheists are not permissible at all. In such cases, the
man or woman should accept Islam before entering into a shar'ai legal "nikaah."
And do not marry Al-Mushrikats {idolatress, etc.} till they believe (worship
Allah alone). And indeed a slave woman is better than a (free) Mushrikah
{idolatress, etc.}, even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters)
in marriage to Al-Mushrikun** till they believe in Allah alone and verily
a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik, even though he pleases
you. Those Al-Mushrikun invite you to the Fire {Al naar}, but Allah invites
you to the Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayaat {proofs,
evidences, lessons, verses, signs, etc.} clear to mankind that they may remember.
[Surah 2:221] [[6]] "...... (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only)
chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the
Book revealed before your time, when you give them their due dowries, and
desire chastity, not lewdness, nor sectret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith,
fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those
who have lost (all the spritual good)." [Surah 5:5]
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## In the above verse, "People of Books" refers to the "followers" of the
religions who received God's message in the form of teachings by Prophet
Moses (AS) and Prophet Jesus (AS) before Islam. However, the term "people
of Books" by no mean refers to the present Torah or Pentateuch or The Bible
which were written by various authors decades and centuries after their
respective Prophets. The term "Books" therefore does NOT affirm in any manner
the validity of the present Bible (canonized in 325 AC) or Torah (written
over an uncertain period est. 1500-1350 BCE??) as God's message as their
followers vehemently argue and would like Muslims to take the term "Book"
for their Bible or Torah. The following note by Abdullah Yousuf Ali is worth
mentioning here: Note #390: ...The Original Gospel (see Surah 3:48 below)
was not the various stories written afterwards by disciples***, but the real
message taught directly by Jesus (AS). *** St Paul, author of almost half
of the New Testament and the one annuling Mosaic law, and Luke, to whom "Gospel
According to Luke" is attributed, were not even among the original 12 disciples.
"And Allah will teach him (Jesus (AS)) The Book and Wisdom, The Law and the
Gospel." [Surah 3:48] [This clearly indicate to THE Gospel given to Jesus
(AS) and not to the Council of Nicaea which decided, in 325AC, by vote, what
The Bible canon should be comprised of .] "There is among them a section
who distort the book with tongues; (As they read) you would think it is part
of the Book, But it is no part of Book; and they say, "That is from Allah,"
But it is they who tell a lie against Allah, and (well) they know it!" [Surah
3:78] Note: Much has been already said on this topic on s.r.i.
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MARRIAGE WITH JEWS: According to Jews, a Jewish Mother gives birth to a Jew.
As one of my friend tells, this issue has caused problems especially in Israel
where a woman who married a Muslim man was exhorted by Jews and ultimately
she accepted Islam to avoid the pressure on her family. All the rules that
apply to christian women, so apply here as well.
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[1] Hammudah Abdalati, "Islam in Focus", pg. 114, American Trust Publications,
Indiana. [2] Victor Danner, "The Islamic Tradition: An Introduction", pp.130,
Amity House, New York. [3] [1] pp. 179. [4] [1] pp. 115. [5] [1] pp. 180
[6] "The Holy Qur'an: Interpretation of the Meaning of The Noble Qur'an in
the English Language" A summarized version of At-Tabari, Al-Qurtubi, and
Ibn Kathir with comments from Shahih Al Bukhari. By Dr. Muhammad Mohsin Khan
& Dr. Muhammad Taqi-Ud-Din Al-Hilali, 1993, Islamic University, Al-Madina
Al-Munawwara, Maktaba Dar-Us-Salaam, Riyadh, KSA. Phone:4033962, Fax:4021659.
[7] A Yusuf Ali, "The Holy Qur'an: Text, Translation and commentary", Sh.
Muhammad Ashraf Ali Publishers and Booksellers, Lahore, Pakistan. 1939
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