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The Ideal Muslim Woman and Her HusbandWritten by: by Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi :: (View All Articles by: Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi) |
The Ideal Muslim Woman and Her Husband
(An Excerpt from the Book “The Ideal Muslimah: The True Islâmic Personality of the Muslim Woman as Defined in the Qur’ân and Sunnah”)
By Dr. Muhammad ‘Ali Al-Hashimi
Marriage in Islam
In Islam, marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a
woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long
journey of life in a spirit of love, co-operation, harmony and tolerance, where
each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and
comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’an has described this relationship
between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the
most moving and eloquent terms:
( And among His Signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in
tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . .)
(Qur’an 30:21)
This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) unites the
two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding,
co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a Muslim family in which children
will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behavior
taught by Islam. The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim
society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and
encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another
in good works.
The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of
the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world
is a righteous women.”1
A righteous woman is the greatest blessing that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) can
give to a man, for with her he can find comfort and rest after the exhausting
struggle of earning a living. With his wife, he can find incomparable
tranquility and pleasure.
How can a woman be the best comfort in this world? How can she be a
successful woman, true to her own femininity, and honored and loved? This is
what will be explained in the following pages:
She chooses a good husband
One of the ways in which Islam has honored woman is by giving her
the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry
someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject
the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along,
because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of
life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her
father’s wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with
someone she dislikes.
There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive
issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Bukhari from al-Khansa’ bint Khidam:
“My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I
complained to Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). He said to me:
‘Accept what your father has arranged.’ I said, ‘I do not wish to accept what my
father has arranged.’ He said, ‘Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry
whomever you wish.’ I said, ‘I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I
wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter’s matters
(i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).’” 2
At first, the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told al-Khansa’ to obey her
father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their
daughters’ well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted
to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to
choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her
into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by
forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be
successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common
ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations
and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot
love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying
and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a
divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays
ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of ‘Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) and said: “O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against
Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behavior, but I hate to commit
any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) said: “Will you give his garden back to him?” - her mahr had been
a garden. She said, “Yes.” So Allah’s Messenger sent word to him: “Take back
your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce.”3
According to a report given by Bukhari
from Ibn ‘Abbas, she said, “I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to
his religion or his behavior, but I do not like him.”
Islam has protected woman’s pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes
with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her
life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman
into a marriage with a man she does not like.
There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah,
an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to ‘Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to
marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as
a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu
anha) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young
woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she
could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce.
Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Bukhari quotes
Ibn ‘Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her
marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene. Ibn
‘Abbas said:
“Barirah’s husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him,
running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to ‘Abbas, ‘O ‘Abbas, do you not
find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates
Mughith?’ The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said (to Barirah), ‘Why do
you not go back to him?’ She said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me
to do so?’ He said, ‘I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.’ She said,
‘I have no need of him.’” 4
The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was deeply moved by this display of
human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and
equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind
the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and
the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering
her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam), this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was
merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was
not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to.
Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own
daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)!
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has
wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not
concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any
of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of
religious commitment and his attitude and behavior, because these are the
pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic
teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as
Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities,
lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:
“If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied,
then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah
and mischief will become widespread on earth.”5
Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who
have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by
her religion will not be attracted to stupid “play-boy” types, no matter how
handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated,
believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behavior is good and
whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the
good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable
partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (Subhanahu
wa ta’ala) has said:
( Women impure are for men
impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of
purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . .)
(Qur’an 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of
physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her
right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with
love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct.
Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice
versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one
who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled
by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the
essence of a potential spouse.
The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah
over her, as the Qur’an says:
( Men are the protectors and
maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more
[strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means. . .)
(Qur’an 4:34)
Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel
proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man
who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfill their life’s mission of
establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and
caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded
by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing
women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a
serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfill the great mission with
which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as
the Qur’an says:
( For Muslim men and women - for
believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for
men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble
themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast
[and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men
and women who engage much in Allah’s praise - for them has Allah prepared
forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur’an
33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and
establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner
in the first place.
Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of
character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is
Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace
Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she
embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she
persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and
she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of
reward, for the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and devoted herself to
taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam), so that he could serve him (and learn from him).
One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking,
richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah -
before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of
his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym
would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him,
“O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree
that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu
so-and-so.” He said, “Of course.” She said, “Do you not feel ashamed to
prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by
the slave of Banu so-and-so?” Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an
expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view,
and told him frankly: “O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away,
but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for
me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr),
and I would ask you for nothing more.”6
He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger
dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistence and
maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, “O Abu Talhah,
do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave
of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn.” Her words came as a
shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Rabb (Cherisher and
Sustainer) burn? Then he uttered the words: “Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah
wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah.”
Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire
being, “O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah.” So Anas brought witnesses and the
marriage was solemnized.
Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his
wealth at Umm Sulaym’s disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless,
proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, “O Abu Talhah, I married you for
the sake of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and I will not take any other dowry.”
She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a
worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala)
that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this
world, as she had heard the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) say:
“If Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) were to guide one person to Islam through you,
it is better for you than owning red camels.”7
Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women
may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom
in choosing a husband.
She is obedient to her husband and shows him respect
The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband, provided
that no sin is involved. She is respectful towards him and is always eager to
please him and make him happy. If he is poor, she does not complain about his
being unable to spend much. She does not complain about her housework, because
she remembers that many of the virtuous women in Islamic history set an example
of patience, goodness and a positive attitude in serving their husbands and
taking care of their homes despite the poverty and hardships they faced. One of
the foremost of these exemplary wives is Fatimah al-Zahra’, the daughter of
Muhammad(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the wife of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib (radhiallahu
anhu). She used to complain of the pain in her hands caused by grinding grain
with the hand-mill. Her husband ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib said to her one day, “Your
father has brought some female slaves, so go and ask him for one of them to come
and serve you.” She went to her father, but she felt too shy to ask him for what
she wanted. ‘Ali went and asked him to provide a servant for his beloved
daughter, but the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) could not respond to
those who most dear to him whilst ignoring the needs of the poor among the
Muslims, so he came to his daughter and her husband and said: “Shall I not teach
you something that is better than that for which you asked me? When you go to
bed at night, say ‘Subhan Allah’ thirty-three times, ‘Al-hamdu lillah’
thirty-three times, and ‘Allahu akbar’ thirty-four times. This is better
for you than a servant.”
Then he bid them farewell and left, after telling them this divine
help which would make them forget their tiredness and help them to overcome
their exhaustion.
‘Ali (radhiallahu anhu) began to repeat the words that the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) had taught him. He said, “I never stopped doing that after he
had taught me these words.” One of his companions asked him, “Not even on the
night of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffin.”8
Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq served her husband al-Zubayr, and took care of the
house. Her husband had a horse, which she took care of, feeding it and
exercising it. She also repaired the water-bucket, made bread, and carried dates
on her head from far away. Bukhari and Muslim report this in her own words:
“Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his
horse. I used to feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed
date-stones to feed his camel. I used to bring water and repair the bucket, and
I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so some of my Ansari
neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me. I used to carry the
dates from the garden that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had given
to al-Zubayr on my head, and this garden was two-thirds of a farsakh
away. One day I was coming back with the dates on my head. I met Allah’s
Messenger , who had a group of his Companions with him. He called me, then told
his camel to sit down so that I could ride behind him. I told (al-Zubayr), ‘I
felt shy, because I know that you are a jealous man.’ He said, ‘It is worse for
me to see you carrying the dates on your head than to see you riding behind
him.’ Later, Abu Bakr sent me a servant, who relieved me of having to take care
of the horse; it was as if I had been released from slavery.”9
The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her house and husband.
She knows her husband’s rights over her, and how great they are, as was
confirmed by the Prophet’s words:
“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted
I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the
greatness of the rights they have over them.”10
And:
“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered
women to prostrate to their husbands.”11
‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) asked Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): “Who has the greatest rights over a
woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over
a man?” He said, “His mother.”12
A woman came to ask the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked
her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with
him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is
beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your
Paradise and your Hell.”13
How can the Muslim woman complain about taking care of her house and husband
when she hears these words of Prophetic guidance? She should fulfill her
household duties and take care of her husband in a spirit of joy, because she is
not carrying a tiresome burden, she is doing work in her home that she knows
will bring reward from Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).
The Sahabah, may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) be pleased with
them, and those who followed them understood this Islamic teaching and
transmitted it from the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). When a bride was
prepared for marriage, she would be told to serve her husband and take care of
his rights. Thus the Muslim woman knew her duties towards her husband, and down
through the ages caring for her husband and being a good wife were established
womanly attributes. One example of this is what was said by the faqih al-Hanbali
ibn al-Jawzi in his book Ahkam al-Nisa’ (p. 331): In the second century
AH there was a righteous man called Shu’ayb ibn Harb, who used to fast and spend
his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told her humbly, “I am a
bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who makes you
lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a
woman who was intelligent, wise and mature. He immediately said to her, “You
will be my wife.”
This woman had a clear understanding of how to be a good wife,
which confirmed to the man who had come to seek her hand that she was a woman
who would understand the psychology and nature of her husband and would know
what would please him and what would make him angry; she would be able to win
his heart and earn his admiration and respect, and would close the door to every
possible source of conflict that could disrupt their married life. The woman who
does not understand these realities does not deserve to be a successful wife;
through her ignorance and shortcomings she may provoke her husband to lose his
temper, in which case, she would be worse than him, for being the direct cause
of his anger.
The tactful Muslim woman is never like this. She helps her husband
to be of good character, by displaying different types of intelligence,
cleverness and alertness in the way she deals with him. This opens his heart to
her and makes him fond of her, because being a good wife is a not only a quality
that she may boast about among her friends, but it is also a religious
obligation for which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will call her to account: if
she has done well, she will be rewarded, but if she has fallen short she will
have to pay the penalty.
One of the most important ways in which the Muslim woman obeys her
husband is by respecting his wishes with regard to the permissible pleasures of
daily life, such as social visits, food, dress, speech, etc. The more she
responds to his wishes in such matters, the happier and more enjoyable the
couple’s life becomes, and the closer it is to the spirit and teachings of
Islam.
The Muslim woman does not forget that her obedience to her husband
is one of the things that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys
her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter
Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.’” 14
Umm Salamah (radhiallahu anha) said:
“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘Any woman who dies,
and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.’” 15
The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) draw a clear and delightful picture
of the well-behaved, easy-going, loving, righteous Muslim wife, one who will be
happy in this world and the next:
“Shall I not tell you about your wives in Paradise?” We said, “Of course, O
Messenger of Allah.” He said, “They are fertile and loving. If she becomes angry
or is mistreated, or her husband becomes angry, she says, ‘My hand is in your
hand; I shall never sleep until you are pleased with me.’” 16
The true Muslim woman knows that Islam, which has multiplied her reward for
obeying her husband and made it a means of her admittance to Paradise, has also
warned every woman who deviates from the path of marital obedience and neglects
to take care of her husband, that she will be guilty of sin, and will incur the
wrath and curses of the angels.
Bukhari and Muslim report from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep
angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning.”17
Muslim reports from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
said Imam:
“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his
bed, and she refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her,
until the husband is pleased with her once more.”18
The angels’ curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient;
this does not exclude those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their
husbands:
“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will curse those procrastinating women who, when
their husbands call them to their beds, say ‘I will, I will . . .’ until he
falls asleep.” 19
Marriage in Islam is intended to protect the chastity of men and women alike,
therefore it is the woman’s duty to respond to her husband’s requests for
conjugal relations. She should not give silly excuses and try to avoid it. For
this reason, several hadith urge a wife to respond to her husband’s needs as
much as she is able, no matter how busy she may be or whatever obstacles there
may be, so long as there is no urgent or unavoidable reason not to do so. In
one of these hadith, the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her
camel [i.e., very busy].”20
And:
“If a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven.”21
The issue of protecting a man’s chastity and keeping him away from temptation is
more important than anything else that a woman can do, because Islam wants men
and women alike to live in an environment which is entirely pure and free from
any motive of fitnah or haram pleasures. The flames of sexual
desire and thoughts of pursuing them through haram means can only be
extinguished by means of discharging that natural energy in natural and lawful
ways. This is what the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) meant in the
hadith narrated by Muslim from Jabir:
“If anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have
intercourse with her, for that will calm him down.”22
The warning given to the woman whose husband is angry with her reaches such an
extent that it would shake the conscience of every righteous wife who has faith
in Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the Last Day: she is told that her prayer and
good deeds will not be accepted, until her husband is pleased with her again.
This is stated in the hadith narrated by Jabir from ‘Abdullah:
“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘There are three people
whose prayers will not be accepted, neither their good works: a disobedient
slave until he returns to his masters and puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose
husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again; and the drunkard,
until he becomes sober.’” 23
When these hadith refer to the husband being angry with his wife, they refer to
cases in which the husband is right and the wife is wrong. When the opposite is
the case, and the husband is wrong, then his anger has no negative implications
for her; in fact, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will reward the wife for her
patience. But the wife is still required to obey her husband, so long as no sin
is involved, because there should be no obedience to a created being if it
entails disobedience to the Creator. Concerning this, the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) to
allow anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he
does not want her to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed;
or to hit him. If he is wrong, then let her come to him until he is pleased with
her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will
accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there will be no sin on
her. If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and
excused herself in the sight of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). “24
Another aspect of wifely obedience is that she should not fast at times other
than Ramadan except with his permission, that she should not allow anyone to
enter his house without his permission, and that she should not spend any of his
earnings without his permission. If she spends anything without him having told
her to do so, then half of the reward for that spending will be given to him.
The true Muslim woman takes heed of this teaching which was stated by the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) in the hadith:
“It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present, except
with his permission; or to allow anyone into his house except with his
permission; or to spend any of his earnings unless he has told her to do so,
otherwise half of the reward will be given to him.”25
According to a report given by Muslim, he (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“A woman should not fast if her husband is present, except with his permission.
She should not allow anyone to enter his house when he is present without his
permission. Whatever she spends of his wealth without him having told her to do
so, half of the reward for it will be given to him.”26
The point here is the permission of the husband. If a wife gives some of his
money in voluntary charity without his permission, then she will not receive any
reward; on the contrary, it will be recorded as a sin on her part. If she wants
to spend in his absence, and she knows that if he knew about it he would give
his permission, then she is allowed to do so, otherwise it is not permitted.
Mutual understanding and harmony between husband and wife cannot be
achieved unless there is understanding between them on such matters, so that
neither of them will fall into such errors and troubles as may damage the
marriage which Islam has built on a basis of love and mercy, and sought to
maintain its purity, care and harmony.
If the husband is a miser, and spends too little on her and her
children, then she is allowed to spend as much as she needs from his wealth on
herself and her children, in moderation, without his knowledge. The Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) stated this to Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu Sufyan, when
she came to him and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man.
What he gives me is not enough for me and my child, unless I take from him
without his knowledge.” He told her, “Take what is enough for you and your
child, in moderation.”27 Thus Islam has made women responsible for
good conduct in their running of the household affairs.
The Muslim woman understands the responsibility that Islam has
given her, to take care of her husband’s house and children by making her a
“shepherd” over her husband’s house and children. She has been specifically
reminded of this responsibility in recognition of her role, in the hadith in
which the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) made every individual in the
Islamic society responsible for those under his or her authority in such a way
that no-one, man or woman, may evade responsibility:
“Each of you is a shepherd, and each is responsible for those under his care. A
ruler is a shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the
shepherd of her husband’s house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and
each of you is responsible for those under his care.”28
The true Muslim woman is always described as being loving towards her children
and caring towards her husband. These are two of the most beautiful
characteristics that a woman of any time or place may possess. The Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) praised these two characteristics, which were embodied by the
women of Quraysh, who represented the best women among the Arabs in terms of
loving their children, caring for their husbands, respecting their rights and
looking after their wealth with care, honesty and wisdom:
“The best women who ride camels are the women of Quraysh. They are the most
compassionate towards their children when they are small, and the most careful
with regard to their husbands’ wealth.”29
This is a valuable testimony on the part of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam), attesting to the psychological and moral qualities of the women of
Quraysh which enhanced their beauty and virtue. This testimony represents a call
to every Muslim woman to emulate the women of Quraysh in loving her children and
taking care of her husband. These two important characteristics contribute to
the success of a marriage, make individuals and families happy, and help a
society to advance.
It is a great honor for a woman to take care of her husband every
morning and evening, and wherever he goes, treating him with gentleness and good
manners which will fill his life with joy, tranquility and stability. Muslim
women have the best example in ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), who
used to accompany the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) on Hajj,
surrounding him with her care, putting perfume on him with her own hands before
he entered ihram, and after he finished his ihram, before he
performed tawaf al-ifadah.30 She chose for him the best
perfume that she could find. This is stated in a number of sahih hadith
reported by Bukhari and Muslim, for example:
“I applied perfume to Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) with
myown hands before he entered the state of ihram and when he concluded it
before circumambulating the House.”31
“I applied perfume to Allah’s Messenger
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) with these two hands of mine when he entered
ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf,” - and she
spread her hands.32
‘Urwah said:
“I asked ‘A’ishah, ‘With what did you perfume Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) at the time when he entered ihram?’ She said, ‘With
the best of perfume.’” 33
According to another report also given by Muslim, ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha)
said:
“I applied the best perfume I could find to Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) before he entered ihram and when he concluded it,
before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.”34
When the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) was in seclusion (i’tikaf), he would lean his head towards
‘A’ishah, and she would comb and wash his hair. Bukhari and Muslim both report
this in sahih hadith narrated from ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with
her), such as:
“When Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) was in i’tikaf, he inclined his head towards me and I
combed his hair, and he did not enter the house except to answer the call of
nature.”35
“I
used to wash the Prophet’s head when I was menstruating.”36
‘Aishah urged women to take good care of their husbands and to recognize the
rights that their husbands had over them. She saw these rights as being so great
and so important that a woman was barely qualified to wipe the dust from her
husband’s feet with her face, as she stated: “O womenfolk, if you knew the
rights that your husbands have over you, every one of you would wipe the dust
from her husband’s feet with her face.”37
This is a vivid expression of the importance of the husband’s
rights over his wife. ‘A’ishah wanted to bring this to women’s attention, so as
to remove from the hearts of arrogant and stubborn women all those harsh,
obstinate feelings that all too often destroy a marriage and turn it into a
living hell.
Honoring and respecting one’s husband is one of the characteristic
attitudes of this ummah. It is one of the good manners known at the time
of jahiliyyah that were endorsed by Islam and perpetuated by the Arabs
after they embraced Islam. Our Arab heritage is filled with texts that
eloquently describe the advice given by mothers to their daughters, to care for,
honor and respect their husbands; these texts may be regarded as invaluable
social documents.
One of the most famous and most beautiful of these texts was
recorded by ‘Abd al-Malik ibn ‘Umayr al-Qurashi, who was one of the outstanding
scholars of the second century AH. He quotes the words of advice given by Umamah
bint al-Harith, one of the most eloquent and learned women, who was possessed of
wisdom and great maturity, to her daughter on the eve of her marriage. These
beautiful words deserve to be inscribed in golden ink.
‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the
most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah,
married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready
to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah came in to her, to advise her,
and said:
‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this
advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been
unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as a
reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by
virtue of her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all
people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for
men just as men were created for them.
‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew
up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a
companion with whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master
over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a
reminder for you.
‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and
listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to
and obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.
‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good
and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell
anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification
to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and
keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and
disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or
employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his
wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and
servants shows good management.
‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his
secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his
secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey
him, his heart will be filled with hatred towards you.
‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he
is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the
former shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy.
‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him
as much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.
‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like
to until you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in
whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) choose what
is best for you and protect you.’” 38
She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success;
she gave birth to kings who ruled after him.
This advice clearly included everything that one could think of as
regards the good manners that a young girl needs to know about in order to treat
her husband properly and be a suitable companion for him. The words of this wise
mother deserve to be taken as the standard for every young girl who is about to
get married.
If she is rich, the true Muslim woman does not let her wealth and
financial independence make her blind to the importance of respecting her
husband’s rights over her. She still takes care of him and honors him, no matter
how rich she is or may become. She knows that she is obliged to show gratitude
to Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon her, so she increases her
charitable giving for the sake of Allah. The first person to whom she should
give generously is her own husband, if he is poor; in this case she will receive
two rewards, one for taking care of a family member, and another for giving
charity, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) stated in the hadith
narrated by Zaynab al-Thaqafiyyah, the wife of ‘Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (radhiallahu
anhu):
“The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told us: ‘O women, give in charity
even if it is some of your jewelry.’ She said, ‘I went back to ‘Abdullah ibn
Mas’ud and told him. ‘You are a man of little wealth, and the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) has commanded us to give charity, so go and ask him whether
it is permissible for me to give you charity. If it is, I will do so; if it is
not, I will give charity to someone else.’ ‘Abdullah said, ‘No, you go and ask.’
So I went, and I found a woman of the Ansar at the Prophet’s door, who also had
the question. We felt too shy to go in, out of respect, so Bilal came out and we
asked him, ‘Go and tell Allah’s Messenger that there are two women at the door
asking you: Is it permissible for them to give sadaqah to their husbands
and the orphans in their care? But do not tell him who we are.’ So Bilal went in
and conveyed this message to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who
asked, ‘Who are they?’ Bilal said, ‘One of the women of the Ansar, and
Zaynab (radhiallahu anha)’ The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) asked,
‘Which Zaynab is it?’ Bilal said, ‘The wife of ‘Abdullah.’ The Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘They will have two rewards, the reward for upholdithe
relationship, and the reward for giving charity.’” 39 According to a
report given by Bukhari, he said, “Your husband and your child are more
deserving of your charity.”40
The true Muslim woman is always careful to give thanks for Allah’s blessings if
her life is easy, and she never loses her patience if she encounters difficulty.
She never forgets the warning that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
issued to women in general, when he saw that most of the inhabitants of Hell
will be women, and so she seeks refuge with Allah from becoming one of them.
Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (radhiallahu anhu) that the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “O women, give charity, for I have surely
seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell.” They asked, ‘Why is
this so, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because you curse too much, and are
ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husbands).”41
According to another report given by
Bukhari, he said, “because they are ungrateful for good and kind treatment. Even
if you treated one of them (these ungrateful women) well for an entire lifetime,
then she saw one fault in you, she would say, ‘I have never seen anything good
from you!’” 42
According to a report given by Ahmad, a man said, “O Messenger of Allah, are
they not our mothers and sisters and wives?” He said, “Of course, but when they
are treated generously they are ungrateful, and when they are tested, they do
not have patience.”43
When the true Muslim woman thinks about these sahih hadith which describe
the fate of most women in the Hereafter, she is always on the alert lest she
fall into the sins of ingratitude towards her husband, or frequent cursing, or
denying her husband’s good treatment of her, or forgetting to give thanks for
times of ease, or failing to be patient at times of difficulty. In any case, she
hastens to give charity as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) urged all
women to do, in the hope that it may save them from that awful fate which will
befall most of those women who deviate from truth and let trivial matters
distract them from remembering Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the Last Day, and
whose bad qualities will ultimately lead them into the Fire of Hell. The Muslim
woman, on the other hand, sets the highest example of respect towards one’s
husband and taking note of his good qualities. This is the attitude of loyalty
that befits the true Muslim woman who respects her husband’s rights and does not
ignore his virtues.
Muslim women’s history is full of stories which reflect this
loyalty and recognition of the good qualities of the husband. One of these
stories is that of Asma’ bint ‘Umays, who was one of the greatest women in
Islam, and one of the first women to migrate to Madinah. She was married to
Ja’far ibn Abi Talib, then to Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, then to ‘Ali, may Allah be
pleased with them all. On one occasion, her two sons Muhammad ibn Ja’far and
Muhammad ibn Abi Bakr were competing with one another, each of them saying. “I
am better than you, and my father is better than your father.” ‘Ali said to her,
“Judge between them, O Asma’.” She said, “I have never seen a young man among
the Arabs who was better than Ja’far, and I have never seen a mature man who was
better than Abu Bakr.” ‘Ali said, “You have not left anything for me. If you had
said anything other than what you have said, I would have hated you!” Asma’
said: “These are the best three, and you are one of them even if you are the
least of them.”44
What a clever and eloquent answer this wise woman gave! She gave
each of her three husbands the respect he deserved, and pleased ‘Ali, even
though he was the least of them, because she included all of them in that group
of the best.
She treats his mother and family with kindness and respect
One of the ways in which a wife expresses her respect towards her
husband is by honoring and respecting his mother.
The Muslim woman who truly understands the teachings of her
religion knows that the person who has the greatest right over a man is his
mother, as we have seen in the hadith of ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) quoted
above. So she helps him to honor and respect his mother, by also honoring and
respecting her. In this way she will do herself and her husband a favor, as she
will helping him to do good deeds and fear Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) as
commanded by the Qur’an. At the same time, she will endear herself to her
husband, who will appreciate her honor and respect towards his family in
general, and towards his mother in particular. Nothing could please a decent,
righteous and respectful man more than seeing strong ties of love and respect
between his wife and his family, and nothing could be more hateful to a decent
man than to see those ties destroyed by the forces of evil, hatred and
conspiracy. The Muslim family which is guided by faith in Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) and follows the pure teachings of Islam is unlikely to fall into the
trap of such jahili behavior, which usually flourishes in an environment
that is far removed from the true teachings of this religion.
A Muslim wife may find herself being tested by her mother-in-law
and other in-laws, if they are not of good character. If such is the case, she
is obliged to treat them in the best way possible, which requires a great deal
of cleverness, courtesy, diplomacy and repelling evil with that which is better.
Thus she will maintain a balance between her relationship with her in-laws and
her relationship with her husband, and she will protect herself and her marriage
from any adverse effects that may result from the lack of such a balance.
The Muslim woman should never think that she is the only one who is
required to be a good and caring companion to her spouse, and that nothing
similar is required of her husband or that there is nothing wrong with him
mistreating her or failing to fulfill some of the responsibilities of marriage.
Islam has regulated the marital relationship by giving each partner both rights
and duties. The wife’s duties of honor ing and taking care of her husband are
balanced by the rights that she has over him, which are that he should protect
her honor and dignity from all kinds of mockery, humiliation, trials or
oppression. These rights of the wife comprise the husband’s duties towards her:
he is obliged to honor them and fulfill them as completely as possible.
One of the Muslim husband’s duties is to fulfill his role of
qawwam (maintainer and protector) properly. This is a role that can only be
properly fulfilled by a man who is a successful leader in his home and family,
one who possesses likeable masculine qualities. Such a man has a noble and
worthy attitude, is tolerant, overlooks minor errors, is in control of his
married life, and is generous without being extravagant. He respects his wife’s
feelings and makes her feel that she shares the responsibility of running the
household affairs, bringing up the children, and working with him to build a
sound Muslim family, as Islam wants it to be.
She endears herself to her husband and is keen to please him
The true Muslim woman is always keen to win her husband’s love and
to please him. Nothing should spoil his happiness or enjoyment of life. So she
speaks kind words to him, and refrains from saying anything hurtful or
upsetting. She brings him good news, but she keeps bad news from him as much as
she can, or postpones telling it until a more suitable time when it will not
upset him so much. If she finds that she has no alternative but to tell him
upsetting news, she looks for the most suitable way to convey it, so that the
blow will not be so hard on him. This is the wise approach and good conduct of
the clever woman, but it is very difficult to attain and only a very few
virtuous women ever do so.
One of those who did reach this high level was the great Muslim
woman Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, the wife of Abu Talhah al-Ansari. Her son passed
away whilst Abu Talhah was traveling, and her attitude was so unique that if
Imam Muslim had not reported this story we would have taken it to be a mere
myth. Let us hear her son Anas ibn Malik tell the story of his remarkable mother
and her unattitude:
“A son of Abu Talhah by Umm Sulaym died. Umm Sulaym told her family, ‘Do not
tell Abu Talhah about his son until I tell him about it.’ Abu Talhah came home,
so she prepared dinner for him, and he ate and drank. Then she beautified
herself in a way that she had never done before, and he had sexual intercourse
with her. When she saw that he was satisfied, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you
think that if a people lent something to a household, then asked for it back, do
they have the right not to return it?’ He said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Then resign
yourself to the death of your son.’ Abu Talhah became angry and said, ‘You let
me indulge myself and then you tell me about my son!’ He went to Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and told him what had happened.
Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, ‘May Allah bless both of
you for this night!’ Umm Sulaym became pregnant. Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) went on a journey, and she accompanied him. Whenever Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came back from a journey, he never
entered Madinah at night. When they (the traveling-party) approached Madinah,
her labour-pains started. Abu Talhah stayed with her, and Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) went on ahead to Madinah. Abu Talhah said, ‘O Rabb (Cherisher
and Sustainer) , You know how I love to go out with Your Messenger when he goes
out, and to come back with him when he comes back, and I have been detained, as
You see.’ Umm Sulaym said, ‘O Abu Talhah, I do not feel as much pain as I did
before, so let us go on.’ When they reached (Madinah), her labour-pains started
again, and she gave birth to a boy. My mother said to me, ‘O Anas, nobody should
feed him until you take him to Allah’s Messenger in the morning.’ So when
morning came, I took the baby to Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam),
and when I met him he was carrying an iron tool. When he saw me, he said, ‘I
hope that Umm Sulaym has given birth.’ I said, ‘Yes.’ So he put down the tool
and I brought the child to him and placed him in his lap. Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) called for some of the dates of Madinah. He chewed it until
it became soft, then he put it in the baby’s mouth and the baby began to smack
his lips. Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘See how much
the Ansar love dates!’ Then he wiped the baby’s face and named him ‘Abdullah.”45
How great was Umm Sulaym’s faith, and how magnificent her patience and virtue!
How bravely she hid her pain from her husband and endeared herself to him. She
managed to conceal her grief at the loss of her beloved son and spent that time
with her husband patiently hoping that by being a good wife to her husband she
might earn the pleasure of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). This is true, deep and
sincere faith.
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) answered the Prophet’s prayer for Umm
Sulaym and her husband, and she became pregnant from that night. When she was
heavily pregnant, she saw her husband Abu Talhah preparing to set out on another
military campaign with Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). She
insisted on partaking of the honor of jihad with him alongside Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), even though she was in the later
stages of pregnancy. Her husband took pity on her because of the difficulties of
the journey and the heat of the desert, but he still asked the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) for permission to let her come with him, and he gave his
permission because he knew her strength of character and love of jihad.
Umm Sulaym was present when the Muslims were triumphant at Makkah,
and when they were sorely tested at Hunayn. She stood firm, as solid as a rock,
alongside her husband and the small group of believers around the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam), even though she was pregnant, at that most difficult time
when many others had fled, and she remained there until Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) brought victory to the believers.
The mujahid army returned to Madinah, and her labour began.
When the pains became intense, she and her husband stayed behind for a while,
but her husband prayed to his Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) in the still of
night becasue he loved to go out and return with the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam). Suddenly the pains ceased; she told her husband and they set out to
follow the army that had gone on ahead. They caught up with them, and after they
had entered Madinah, Umm Sulaym’s labour pains began anew. She gave birth to a
boy, and his brother on his mother’s side, Anas, brought him to the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam), who fed him a small amount of dates (tahnik) and
named him ‘Abdullah. The prayer of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
for this baby was fulfilled, as among his descendents were ten great scholars.
No doubt Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) knew the sincerity of Umm
Sulaym’s faith, and conveyed the good news of Paradise to her via His Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam):
“I entered Paradise, and heard footsteps. I said, ‘Who is this?’ and they told
me, ‘It is al-Ghumaysa’, the daughter of Milhan, the mother of Anas ibn Malik.’”
46
Another example of the ways in which a
wife may endear herself to her husband is the way in which ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu
anha) spoke to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when he came back to
his wives after he had kept away from them for a month. He had said, “I will not
go in to them for a month,” because he was so angry with them. When twenty-nine
days had passed, he came to ‘A’ishah first. ‘A’ishah said to him, ‘You swore to
stay away from us for a month, and only twenty-nine days have passed; I have
been counting them.” The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said, “This
month has twenty-nine days.” That particular month had only twenty-nine days.47
‘A’ishah’s telling the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) that she had
counted twenty-nine days was a clear indication of her love towards her husband
and of how she had waited, day by day, hour by hour, for him to come back to
her. It shows how she loved and missed her husband. This approach made her even
dearer to him, so when he came back to his wives, he started with her.
The sincere Muslim woman recognizes her husband’s likes and habits,
and tries to accommodate them as much as she can, in the interests of mutual
understanding and marital harmony, and to protect the marriage from the boredom
of routine. This is what every wise and intelligent wife does. It was narrated
that the qadi and faqih Shurayh married a woman from Banu Hanzalah.
On their wedding night, each of them prayed two rak’ahs and asked Allah (Subhanahu
wa ta’ala) to bless them. Then the bride turned to Shurayh and said, “I am a
stranger, and I do not not know much about you. Tell me what you like, and I
will do it, and tell me what you do not like so I may avoid it.” Shurayh said,
“She stayed with me for twenty years, and I never had to tell her off for
anything, except on one occasion, and I was in the wrong then.”
This is the respectful and loving wife as Islam wants her to be,
responsible for her home and loyal to her husband, and always careful to
maintain a good relationship between them. If anything happens to upset their
marriage, she hastens to calm the situation with her sincere love and wise
understanding. She does not listen to the whispering of the Shaytan which
calls her to do wrong, and she never hastens to ask her husband for a divorce.
The marriage bond should be too strong to be undone by temporary arguments or
occasional misunderstandings. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) warned
those foolish women who ask their husbands for a divorce with no legitimate
reason that they would be denied even the scent of Paradise:
“Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce with no good reason will be
deprived of even smelling the scent of Paradise.”48
She
does not disclose his secrets
The chaste Muslim woman does not disclose her husband’s secrets,
and does not talk to anyone about whatever secrets and other matters there may
be between him and her. The serious Muslim woman is above that; she would never
sink to the level of such cheap and shameless talk as goes on amongst the lowest
type of people. Her time is too precious to be wasted in such vulgar behavior.
She would never accept for herself to be counted as one of those people whom the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) described as one of the worst types:
“Among the worst type of people in the sight of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) on
the Day of Judgment is a man who enjoys his wife’s intimate company, and she
enjoys his intimate company, then one of them goes and discloses the secret of
the other.”49
Talking about that which is private between a husband and wife is one of the
most abhorrent ways of disclosing secrets. No-one does such a thing but the
worst type of people. There are some secrets the disclosure of which is not as
bad as disclosing this secret, but in any case, telling secrets at all is
disliked and is unacceptable. Keeping secrets in itself is a worthy and virtuous
deed, whilst disclosing them is a serious error and shortcoming, from which
nobody can be immune except the infallible Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).
The disclosure of a secret that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had
entrusted to Hafsah, who told it to ‘A’ishah, led to the plotting and intrigue
in his household that caused him to keep away from his wives for a whole month,
because he was so upset with them.50 Concerning this, the following
ayah was revealed:
( When the Prophet disclosed a
matter of confidence to one of his consorts, and she then divulged it [to
another], and Allah made it known to him, he confirmed part thereof and
repudiated a part. Then when he told her thereof, she said, ‘Who told you this?’
He said, ‘He told me Who knows and is well-acquainted [with all things].)
(Qur’an 66:3)
The two women concerned are then confronted with their error, and called to
repent, so that they might draw closer to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) after
having distanced themselves by their deed, otherwise Allah would be his (the
Prophet’s) Protector, and Jibril and the righteous believers would also support
him:
( If you two turn in repentance
to Him, your hearts are indeed so inclined; but if you back up each other
against him, truly Allah is his Protector, and Gabriel, and [every] righteous
one among those who believe - and furthermore, the angels - will back [him] up.)
(Qur’an 66:4)
Then they are issued with a stern warning and the terrifying prospect that if
they persist in their error, they may lose the honor of being the wives of the
Prophet:
( It may be, if he divorced you
[all], that Allah will give him in exchange Consorts better than you - who
submit [their wills], who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in
repentance, who worship [in humility], who travel [for Faith] and fast -
previously married or virgins.)
(Qur’an 66:5)
This incident presents a valuable lesson to the Muslim woman on the importance
of keeping her husband’s secret, and the effect this confidentiality has on the
stability of the individual and the home. One of the greatest blessings that
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has bestowed on the Muslims in particular, and on
mankind in general, is that he has made the public and private life of His
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) like an open book, in which can be read
the teachings of this ‘aqidah and its practical application in real life.
Nothing is secret or hidden: matters and events that people usually keep secret
are discussed openly in the Qur’an and Sunnah, even unavoidable human
weaknesses. All of these issues are presented in order to teach people right
from wrong.
The Sahabah, may Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) be pleased with
them, understood that the Prophet’s life was entirely devoted to Allah (Subhanahu
wa ta’ala) and His message, so why should they keep secret or conceal any aspect
of his life? The stories that have been narrated about his life, his household
and his wives represent a practical application of the words he preached, and
for this reason, the Sahabah (may Allah reward them with all good)
transmitted the most precise details of his life, and did not fail to record any
aspect of his daily life, whether it was major or minor. This is part of the way
in which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) caused the life of his Prophet to be
recorded, including details of the precise way in which Islamic teachings were
applied in his life. This is in addition to the Qur’anic references to the
Prophet’s life, which form a record that will remain until heaven and earth pass
away.
She stands by him and offers her advice
One of the laws that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) has decreed for
this life is that men and women should work together to cultivate and populate
the earth and run the affairs of life therein. Man cannot do without woman, and
vice versa. Hence the laws of Islam teach men and women to co-operate in all
matters. Islam encourages a man to help his wife, as much as he is able; the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who is the example for all Muslims, used
to help and serve his family until he went out to pray, as the Mother of the
Believers ‘A’ishah said.51
Just as Islam expects a man to help his wife with housework and
running household affairs, so the woman is also expected to help him in dealing
with the outside world and to play her role in life by offering her opinions and
advice, and supporting him in practical terms.
History tells us that Muslim women engaged in jihad side by
side with men, marching to war with them, bringing water to the thirsty, tending
the wounded, setting broken bones, stemming the flow of blood, encouraging the
soldiers, and sometimes joining in the actual fighting, running back and forth
between the swords and spears, standing firm when some of the brave men had
fled. Their courageous conduct in battle was praised by the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam), as we have described previously (see pp. 69-91).
However, women’s contribution to public life did not stop on the
battlefield; women also stood side-by-side with men at times of peace, offering
their valuable opinions, soothing their hearts at times of stress and supporting
them during times of hardship.
History has recorded many names of great Muslim men who used to
seek and follow the advice of their wives, foremost among whom is the Prophet
himself (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), who sometimes followed the advice of
Khadijah, Umm Salamah, ‘A’ishah and others among his wives. ‘Abdullah ibn
al-Zubayr used to follow the advice of his mother Asma’, al-Walid ibn ‘Abd
al-Malik used to follow the advice of his wife Umm al-Banin bint ‘Abd al-’Aziz
ibn Marwan, and Harun al-Rashid used to follow the advice of his wife Zubaydah,
and there are many other such examples in the history of Islam.
The true, sincere Muslim woman understands the heavy burden that
Islam has placed on her shoulders, by obliging her to be a good wife to her
husband, to surround him with care and meet his every need, to give him
enjoyment, and to renew his energy so that he may fulfill his mission in life.
So she does not withhold her advice when she sees that he needs it, and she
never hesitates to stand by his side, encouraging him, supporting him and
offering advice and consolation.
The first Muslim woman, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid is the best example
of a woman who influenced her husband. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) came to her on the day of the first Revelation, anxious, trembling and
shaking all over. He told her, “Cover me, cover me!” She hastened to offer her
help and support, advising him and thinking of a practical way of helping him.
Bukhari and Muslim report the story told by ‘A’ishah of how the Revelation
commenced, and the marvellous way in which Khadijah responded by supporting her
husband:
“The Revelation started in the form of a dream that came true, he never saw a
dream but it would clearly come to pass. Then he was made to like seclusion, so
he would go and stay alone in the cave of Hira’, praying and worshipping for
many nights at a time, before coming back to his family to collect supplies for
another period of seclusion. Then the truth came suddenly, when he was in the
cave of Hira’. The angel came to him and said ‘Read!’ He said, ‘I am not a
reader.’ [The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:] ‘The angel embraced
me and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me, and said,
‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angels embraced me a second time,
squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said, ‘Read!’ I
said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angel embraced me a third time and squeezed me
until I nearly passed out, then released me and said:
( Read! In the name of your Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) and
Cherisher, who created - created man, out of a [mere] clot of congealed blood:
Read! And your Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) is Most Bountiful - He taught
[the use of] the Pen - taught man that which he knew not.)
(Qur’an 96:1-5)’”
Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came back to Khadijah,
trembling all over, and said, “Cover me, cover me!”. They covered him up until
he calmed down, then he said to Khadijah, “O Khadijah, what is wrong with me?”
He told her what had happened, then said, “I fear for myself.” Khadijah said:
“No, rather be of good cheer, for by Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) Allah
(Subhanahu wa ta’ala) would never forsake you. By Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
you uphold the ties of kinship, speak the truth, spend money on the needy, give
money to the penniless, honor your guests and help those beset by difficulties.
She took him to Waraqah ibn Nawfal ibn Asad ibn ‘Abd al-’Uzza, who was her
cousin, the son of her father’s brother. He was a man who had become a Christian
during the time of jahiliyyah; he could write the Arabic script and he
had written as much of the Gospel in Arabic as Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala)
willed. He was an old man who had become blind. Khadijah said to him, “O Uncle,
listen to your nephew.” Waraqah ibn Nawfal said, “O son of my brother, what has
happened?” Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told him what had
happened, and Waraqah said to him, “This is al-Namus (i.e., Jibril), who was
sent down to Musa, upon whom be peace. I wish that I were a young man, and could
be alive when your people cast you out.” Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam) asked, “Will they really cast me out?” Waraqah said, “Yes. No man has
ever come with what you have brought, but his people were hostile towards him.
If I live to see that day I will give you all the support I can.”52
This report is strong evidence of Khadijah’s wifely perfection, wisdom, strength
of character, steadfastness, understanding and deep insight. She knew the
Prophet’s outstanding character, good conduct and purity of heart, and this made
her certain that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) would never forsake a man such as
Muhammad(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) or permit any bad fate to befall him. She
knew that behind this remarkable new event that had overwhelmed Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) lay something great that Allah
(Subhanahu wa ta’ala) had prepared for His Messenger, so she spoke her kind and
sweet words of encouragement, filling him with confidence, tranquility and firm
conviction: “Be of good cheer, O cousin, and stand firm. By the One in Whose
hand is the soul of Khadijah, I hope that you will be the Prophet of this
nation.”53 Then she took him to her cousin Waraqah ibn Nawfal, who
had knowledge of the Torah and Gospel, and told him what had happened to the
Prophet.
The first Mother of the Believers, Khadijah (May Allah be pleased
with her), was a sincere adviser in the way of Islam to the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam). She had already earned the great status and lasting fame of
being the first person to believe in Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and His
Messenger, and she stood beside her husband the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam), supporting him and helping him to bear the worst oppression and
persecution that he faced at the beginning of his mission; she endured along
with him every hardship and difficulty that he was confronted with.
Ibn Hisham says in his Sirah: “Khadijah had faith, and
believed in what he brought from Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). In this way,
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) helped His Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam).
Whenever he heard any hateful words of rejection or disbelief that upset him,
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) would cause his spirits to be lifted when he came
back to her. She encouraged him to be patient, believed in him, and made it
easier for him to bear whatever the people said or did. May Allah have mercy on
her.”54
She was a woman who always spoke the truth, and carried this burden
sincerely. It is no surprise that she earned the pleasure of Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) and deserved to be honor ed by Him, so He conveyed the greeting of
salam to her through His Messengers Jibril and Muhammad(sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam), and gave her glad tidings of a house in Paradise, as is stated in
the hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah:
“Jibril came to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and said: ‘O
Messenger of Allah, Khadijah is coming to you with vessels containing food and
drink. When she comes to you, convey to her the greeting of salam from
her Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) and from me, and give her the glad tidings
of a house of pearls in Paradise, in which there is no noise or hard work.”55
The true Muslim woman puts her mind to good work, thinks hard and gives advice
to her husband at times when he may be most in need of advice. By doing so, she
does a great favor for her husband, and this is one of the ways in which she may
treat him well.
Another of these great stories which feature correct advice given
by a woman is the reaction of the Muslims to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah, and
Umm Salamah’s reaction, which demonstrated her deep insight and great wisdom.
Umm Salamah (radhiallahu anha) was one of those who were with the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) when he went to Makkah to perform ‘Umrah
in 6 AH. This is the journey which was interrupted by Quraysh, who prevented the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his Companions from reaching the
Ka’bah. The treaty of al-Hudaybiyah was drawn up between the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) and Quraysh. This was a peace-treaty which was intended to
put an end to the fighting for ten years; it was also agreed that if anyone from
Quraysh came to Muhammad without the permission of his guardian, he would be
returned, but if any of the Muslims came to Quraysh, he would not be returned,
and that the Muslims would go back that year without entering Makkah, etc.
By virtue of his deep understanding that was derived from the
guidance of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) understood that this treaty, which appeared to be quite unfair to the
Muslims, was in fact something good and represented a great victory for Islam
and the Muslims.
The Sahabah, however, were dismayed when they learned the content of the
treaty. They saw it as unfair and unjust, especially as they had the upper hand
at that time. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab expressed the angry feelings of the
Sahabah when he went to Abu Bakr and asked him: “Is he not Allah’s Messenger
?” Abu Bakr said, “Of course.” “Are we not Muslims?” “Yes.” “Are they not
mushrikin?” “Yes.” “Why should we accept this deal which is so humiliating
to our religion?” Abu Bakr warned him, “O ‘Umar, follow his orders. I bear
witness that he is Allah’s Messenger .” Umar said, “And I bear witness that he
is Allah’s Messenger .” Then ‘Umar went to Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam), and asked him questions similar to those he had asked Abu Bakr. But
when he asked, “Why should we accept this deal which is so humiliating to our
religion?” the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) replied, “I am the servant
of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and His Messenger; I will never disobey His
command, and He will never forsake me.”56
Then ‘Umar realized that his haste to oppose the treaty was a mistake. He used
to say, “I kept giving charity, fasting, praying and freeing slaves because of
what I had done and said on that day, until I hoped that ultimately it would be
good for me (because it made me perform so many good deeds).”57
When the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had ratified the treaty, he
commanded his Companions to get up, slaughter their sacrificial animals, and
shave their heads, but none of them got up58. He told them three
times to do this, but not one of them responded. He went to his wife Umm
Salamah, and told her what he was facing from the people. At this point the
wisdom and intelligence of Umm Salamah become quite clear: she told him, “O
Messenger of Allah, go out and do not speak to any of them until you have
sacrificed your animal and shaved your head.”
The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) took her advice, and did as she suggested. When the Sahabah saw
that, they rushed to sacrifice their animals, pushing one another aside, and
some of them began to shave one another’s heads, until they were almost fighting
with one another because of their distress and grief, and their regret for
having disobeyed the Prophet.59
After that, the Muslims came back to
their senses, and they understood the Prophet’s great wisdom in agreeing to this
treaty, which in fact was a manifest victory, because many more people entered
Islam after it than had before. In Sahih Muslim it states that the
ayah,
( Verily We have granted you a manifest Victory)
(Qur’an 48:1) referred to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah. The Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) sent for ‘Umar and recited this ayah to him. ‘Umar
said, “O Messenger of Allah, it is really a victory?” He said, “Yes,” so then
‘Umar felt at peace.60
She encourages her husband to spend for the sake of Allah
(Subhanahu wa ta’ala)
Another way in which the true Muslim woman supports her husband is
by encouraging him to spend and give charity for the sake of Allah (subhanahu
wa ta’ala) and not to waste money in extravagance and ostentatious purchases, as
we see so many ignorant and misguided women doing.
The alert Muslim woman always wants goodness and success for her
husband, so she urges him to do good deeds, and to do more of them, because she
believes that by doing this, she will increase her honor in this world and her
reward in the next.
One of the beautiful stories narrated about a woman’s encouraging
her husband to spend for the sake of Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) is the story of
Umm al-Dahdah. When her husband came to her and told her that he had given in
charity the garden in which she and her children used to live, in hopes of
receiving a bunch of dates61 in Paradise, she said, “You have got a
good deal, you have got a good deal.” The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
commented, “How many bunches of dates Abu’l-Dahdah will have in Paradise!” and
he repeated this several times.62
She helps him to obey Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala)
One of the qualities of the good Muslim wife is that she helps her
husband to obey Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) in different ways, especially to
stay up and pray at night (qiyam al-layl). By doing this, she does him an
immense favor, because she reminds him to do something he might otherwise forget
or neglect. Thus she causes him, and herself, to be covered by the mercy of
Allah.
What a beautiful picture the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
drew of the married couple helping one another to obey Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) and do good deeds, and entering into the mercy of Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) together. This comes in the hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah (radhiallahu
anhu), who said:
“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: ‘May Allah have mercy
on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife to pray, and if
she refuses, he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on the
woman who gets up at night to pray, and wakes her husband up to pray, and if he
refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.”63
She
fills his heart with joy
The clever and sensitive Muslim woman does not forget that one of
the greatest deeds she can do in life, after worshipping Allah (subhanahu wa
ta’ala) is to be successful in endearing herself to her husband and filling his
heart with joy, so that he will feel in the depths of his heart that he is happy
to be married to her, and enjoys living with her and being in her company. So
she uses her intelligence to find ways and means of opening his heart and
filling it with joy and happiness, so that she may become the queen of his
heart.
She understands that she is the greatest joy of a man in this
world, as is stated in the hadith narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-’As
(radhiallahu anhu), in which the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this
world is a righteous woman.”64
She does not forget that she is the greatest joy in this life for a man, if she
knows how to endear herself to him. If she does not know how to endear herself
to him then in most cases she will be a source of unhappiness and misery to her
husband, as was confirmed by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):
“Three things make the son of Adam happy, and three make him miserable. Among
the things that make the son of Adam happy are a good wife, a good home and a
good means of transport; the things that make him miserable are a bad wife, a
bad home and a bad means of transport.”65
Hence being a good wife, and endearing oneself to one’s husband, are a part of
religion, because this offers protection to a man by helping him to remain
chaste, and strengthens the foundations of the family, thus bringing happiness
to her husband and children.
The Muslim woman by nature likes to endear herself to her husband;
in doing so she finds a way of fulfilling her femininity and her inclinations to
make herself attractive. But for the Muslim woman, the matter goes even further:
in seeking to win her husband’s heart, she is also seeking to earn the pleasure
of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) Who has made being a good wife a part of
religion, about which she will be questioned in the Hereafter. So she does not
spare any effort in her loving treatment of her husband: she presents a pleasing
appearance, speaks pleasantly and kindly, and is a clever and likeable
companion.
She makes herself beautiful for him
She makes herself beautiful for her husband by means of make-up,
clothing, etc., so that she will appear more beautiful and attractive, and thus
make her husband happy. This was the practice of the righteous women of the
salaf, who used to devote their time to worshipping Allah and reading
Qur’an. Foremost among them were ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) and others; they
used to wear fine clothes and jewelry at home and when they were traveling, in
order to make themselves look beautiful for their husbands.
Bakrah bint ‘Uqbah came to ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) and asked
her about henna. ‘A’ishah said, “It comes from a good tree and pure water.” She
asked her about removing body hair, and she said, “If you have a husband, and
you could remove your eyes and replace them with something better, then do it.”66
Let those careless women who neglect their appearance in front of
their husbands listen to the advice of ‘A’ishah, and realize that their beauty
should be primarily for their husbands, not for their friends and peers. Those
women who are failing to make themselves beautiful for their husbands are
sinners, because they are falling short in one of the greatest duties of
marriage. Their negligence may be the cause of their husbands staying away from
them and looking at other women.
The wife whose husband only ever sees her with unkempt hair,
looking pale and wan and wearing shabby old clothes, is a foolish and
disobedient wife. It will be of no help to her if she rushes to beautify herself
only when receiving guests, or going to a women’s party, but remains looking
shabby most of the time in front of her husband. I think that the Muslim woman
who is truly guided by the teachings of Islam will be safe from such
shortcomings, because she treats her husband properly, and a woman who treats
her husband properly is most unlikely to fail in fulfilling her duty towards
him.
It is one of the teachings of Islam that a woman should make
herself look beautiful for her husband, so that her husband should only ever see
of her that which he likes. So it is forbidden for a woman to dress in mourning
for more than three days, except in the case of her husband’s death, when she is
permitted to mourn for four months and ten days. We find proof of this in the
hadith narrated by Bukhari from Zaynab the daughter of Umm Salamah, who said, “I
came to Zaynab bint Jahsh, the wife of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) when her brother died. She called for perfume and applied it to herself,
then said, “I am not wearing perfume because I need to, but because I heard
Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) say from the minbar:
“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the Last Day to grieve for more than three days, except for her husband, (for whom she may grieve) four months and ten days.”67
She
is cheerful and grateful when she meets him
One of the ways in which the Muslim woman makes herself attractive
to her husband is by being happy, cheerful, friendly and gentle, thus flooding
her husband’s life with joy. When he comes home exhausted from his work, she
greets him with a smiling face and kind words. She puts her own concerns to one
side for a while, and helps him to forget some of his worries. She appears as
cheerful and serene as she can, and expresses her gratitude to him every time he
does something good for her.
The true Muslim woman is fair-minded, and is never ungrateful to
any person, because the teachings of her religion protect her from falling into
the error of bad behavior and ingratitude for favors. How then could she be
ungrateful to her husband, her beloved lifelong companion? She knows well the
teaching of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):
“He does not thank Allah who does not thank people.”68
She understands from this that every person who does good deeds and favors
deserves thanks and recognition, so how could she hesitate or fail to show
gratitude to her husband, especially when she hears the words of the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam):
“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) will not look at the woman who does not thank her
husband at the time when she cannot do without him.”69
She
shares his joys and sorrows
Another of the ways in which a woman may endear herself to her
husband is by sharing his joys and sorrows. So she joins him in some of his
pastimes, and his daily work, such as reading, exercise, and attending useful
talks and gatherings, and so on, so that her husband will feel that he is not
alone in his enjoyment of the good things in life, but that he is sharing these
pleasures with a loving, intelligent and loyal wife.
The fact that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) raced with
‘A’ishah more than once indicates the fact that Islam urges both spouses to
share their partner’s joy and happiness in life, because this sharing will have
a powerful effect in deepening their feelings for one another and strengthening
the bonds between them.
Just as she shares his joys, so she also shares his worries and
concerns, and comes to him with kind words of consolation, mature and sensible
advice and sincere emotional support.
She does not look at other men
The true Muslim woman avoids looking at men other than her husband;
she does not stare at men who are not related to her (i.e. who are not her
mahrams), in obedience to the command of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) :
( And say to the believing women
that they should lower their gaze . . .)
(Qur’an 24:31).
By refraining from looking at other men, she will be one of those chaste women
who restrain their glances, which is a quality men like in women, because it is
indicative of their purity, decency and fidelity. This is one of the most
beautiful characteristics of the chaste, decent, pure Muslim woman, and this was
referred to in the Qur’an when it speaks of the women of Paradise and their
qualities that are loved by men:
( In them will be [Maidens]
chaste, restraining their glances, whom no man or jinn before them has
touched.) (Qur’an 55:56)
She
does not describe other women to him
Another of the characteristics of the intelligent Muslim woman is
that she does not describe any of her (female) friends or acquaintances to him,
because this is forbidden according to the words of the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam):
“No woman should talk about another woman, or describe her to her husband (so
that it is) as if he sees her.”70
Islam wants people’s hearts to be at peace, and to put a stop to provocative
thoughts and overactive imaginations, so that people may live their lives in a
decent and calm fashion, free from such thoughts and able to go about the tasks
and duties for which they were created. No man should let his mind be occupied
with cheap thoughts of the contrast between his wife and the woman she
describes, or let himself become crazy with the embellishments his own
imagination may add to the woman’s supposed beauty. He should not let such
foolish talk stop him from going about his work and usual pastimes, or lead him
to temptation and make him go astray.
She tries to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility for
him
The Muslim woman does not only make herself beautiful for her
husband and share his work and pastimes, but she also tries to create an
atmosphere of peace and tranquility in the home. So she tries to keep a clean
and tidy home, in which he will see order and good taste, and clean,
well-mannered, polite children, and where good meals are prepared regularly. The
clever woman also does whatever else she can based on her knowledge and good
taste. All of this is part of being a good Muslim wife as enjoined by Islam.
The true Muslim woman does not forget that according to Islam
marriage is one of the signs of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). Islam has made
the wife a source of tranquility, rest and consolation for her husband:
( And among His Signs is this,
that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in
tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts] . . .)
(Qur’an 30:21)
Marriage is the deepest of bonds which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) ties between
one soul and another, so that they may enjoy peace, tranquility, stability and
permitted pleasures. The wife is a source of refuge, security and rest for her
husband in a marital home that is filled with sincere love and compassionate
mercy. The truly-guided Muslim woman is the best one to understand this lofty
meaning and to translate it into a pleasant and cheerful reality.
She is tolerant and forgiving
The Muslim woman is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking any errors
on the part of her husband. She does not bear a grudge against him for such
errors or remind him about them every so often. There is no quality that will
endear her to her husband like the quality of tolerance and forgiveness, and
there is nothing that will turn her husband against her like resentment,
counting faults and reminding him about his mistakes.
The Muslim woman who is following the guidance of Islam obeys the
command of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) :
( . . . Let them forgive and
overlook, do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? . . .)
(Qur’an 24:22)
Such a woman deserves to be the queen of her husband’s heart and to fill his
soul with joy and happiness.
She is strong in character and wise
Among the most prominent characteristics of the Muslim woman are
her strength of character, mature way of thinking, and serious conduct. These
are qualities which the Muslim woman possesses both before and after marriage,
because they are the result of her understanding of Islam and her awareness of
her mission in life.
She exhibits this strength of character when she is choosing a
husband. She does not give way to her father’s whims if he has deviated from the
right way and is seeking to force her into a marriage that she does not want.
Neither does she give in to the man who comes to seek her hand in marriage, no
matter how rich or powerful he may be, if he does not have the qualities of a
true Muslim husband.
After marriage, her character remains strong, even though she is
distinguished by her easy-going nature, mild-tempered behavior and loving
obedience to her husband. Her strength of character comes to the fore especially
when she has to take a stand in matters concerning her religion and ‘aqidah,
as we have seen in some of the narratives referred to previously, such as Umm
Sulaym bint Milhan, who insisted on adhering to Islam along with her son Anas,
although her husband Malik ibn al-Nadar remained a mushrik, opposed to
his wife being Muslim (see p. 166-168); and Umm Habibah bint Abi Sufyan who
remained steadfast in her Islam when her husband ‘Ubayd-Allah ibn Jahsh al-Asadi
became an apostate and joined the religion of the Abyssinians (see p. 98-101);
and Barirah who was determined to separate from her husband whom she did not
love, even though the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) tried to intervene
on his behalf (see p. 162-163); and the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, who
demanded a divorce from her husband whom she did not love either, and the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) accepted her request (see p. 162).
The primary motive of these women in taking up such a strong stance
was their concern to adhere to Islam, to keep their belief (‘aqidah)
pure, and ultimately to please Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala).
Each of them was seeking that which is halal in her married
life, and feared committing any haram deed, either because she was
married to a man who did not share her religious beliefs, or she was falling
short in her duties towards a husband whom she did not love or could not live
with. If it were not for their strength of character and feelings of pride in
themselves and their faith, they would have followed the commands of
theimisguided husbands and would have found themselves going astray, choking on
the misery of living with a husband they could not truly accept. The courage of
these women shows how the true Muslim women should be, no matter where or when
she lives.
But the Muslim woman’s strength of character should not make her
forget that she is required to obey her husband, treating him with honor and
respect. Her strength of character should make her strike a wise balance in the
way she speaks and acts towards him, with no inconsistency or carelessness. Even
in those moments of anger which are unavoidable in a marriage, she should
control herself and restrain her tongue, lest she say anything that could hurt
her husband’s feelings. This is the quality of a strong, balanced character.
‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) represents the highest example of this
good quality, and every Muslim woman should follow her example. The way in which
she swore an oath when she was happy with her husband, the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam), was different from the way she spoke when she was upset with
him. This is an example of good manners and respect. It was something that the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) noticed, as she narrated that he said:
“I know when you are happy with me and when you are upset with me.” She said,
“How do you know that?” He said, “When you are happy with me, you say, ‘No, by
the Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) of Muhammad,’ and when you are upset with
me, you say, ‘No, by the Rabb (Cherisher and Sustainer) of Ibrahim.’” She
said, “Yes, that is right. By Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) O Messenger of
Allah, I only keep away from your name.”71
What refined manners and sincere love!
‘A’ishah’s strength of character became even more prominent when
she was tried with the slander (al-ifk) which Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala)
made a test for His Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and for all the
ummah, raising the status of some and lowering that of others, increasing
the faith of those who were guided and increasing the loss of those who went
astray.
Her strength of character and deep faith in Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) became apparent, and her trust in Him alone to prove her innocence was
quite clear. I can find no more beautiful description of the deep and sincere
faith of ‘A’ishah and her trust in the justice of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
than that given by Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah, who said:
“The test was so severe that the Revelation ceased for a month
because of it, and nothing at all concerning this issue was revealed to Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) during that time, so that the wisdom
behind what had happened might become completely apparent and the sincere
believers might be increased in faith and adherence to justice and might think
well of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) His Messenger, the Messenger’s family and
those believers who spoke the truth. The munafiqin, meanwhile, would be
increased only in sins and hypocrisy, and their true nature would be exposed to
the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the believers. ‘A’ishah, the one
who had spoken the truth, and her parents would be shown to be true servants of
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) who had received His full blessing. Their needs for
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) and desire to draw closer to Him would increase;
they would feel humble before Him and would put their hope and trust in Him,
instead of hoping for the support of other people. ‘A’ishah would despair of
receiving help from any created being, and she passed this most difficult test
when her father said, ‘Get up and thank him,’ after Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala)
had sent down a Revelation confirming her innocence. She said, ‘By Allah
(subhanahu wa ta’ala) I will not get up and thank him; I will only give thanks
to Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) Who has revealed my innocence.’
“Another aspect of the wisdom behind the Revelation being suspended
for a month was that people would focus solely on this issue and examine it
closely; the believers would wait with eager anticipation to hear what Allah
(Subhanahu wa ta’ala) would reveal to His Messenger concerning this matter. The
Revelation came like rain on parched land, when it was most needed by Allah’s
Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and his family, by Abu Bakr and his
family, by the Sahabah and by the believers, and it brought them great
relief and joy. If Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) had revealed the truth of the
matter from the first instant, then the wisdom behind this event would have been
obscured and a great lesson would have been lost.
“Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) wanted to demonstrate the status of
His Prophet and his family in His sight, and the honor which He had bestowed
upon them. He Himself was to defend His Messenger and rebuke his enemies, in
such a way that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had nothing to do
with it. Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) alone would avenge His Prophet and his
family.
“ Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) was the target
of this slander, and the one who was accused was his wife. It was not
appropriate for him to declare her innocence, although he knew that she was
indeed innocent, and never thought otherwise. When he asked people to avenge him
of those who had spread the slander, he said: ‘Who could blame me if I were to
punish those who slandered my family? By Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) I have
never known anything but good from my family, and they have told me about a man
from whom I have never known anything but good, and he never came in my house
except with me.’ He had more proof than the believers did of ‘A’ishah’s
innocence, but because of his high level of patience, perseverance and deep
trust in Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) he acted in the appropriate manner until
the Revelation came that made his heart rejoice and raised his status, showing
to his ummah that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) was taking care of him.
“Whoever examines ‘A’ishah’s response, when her father told her to
get up and thank Allah’s Messenger , and she said, ‘No, I will give thanks only
to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) ,’ will realize the extent of her knowledge and
the depth of her faith. She attributed this blessing to Allah (Subhanahu wa
ta’ala) alone, and gave thanks only to Him. She had a sound grasp of Tawhid,
and demonstrated great strength of character and confidence in her innocence.
She was not curious or anxious about the outcome when she spoke thus, because
she was sure that she had done nothing wrong. Because of her faith in the
Prophet’s love for her, she said what she said. She became even dearer to him
when she said, ‘I will not give thanks except to Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala)
for He is the One Who has revealed my innocence.’ She displayed remarkable
maturity and steadfastness when her dearly beloved husband, whom she could not
bear to be apart from, kept away from her for a month; then when the matter was
resolved and he wished to come back to her, she did not rush to him, despite her
great love for him. This is the highest level of steadfastness and strength of
character.”72
It is indeed the highest level of maturity and strength of
character. The true Muslim woman is humble, kind, loving and obedient towards
her husband, but she does not allow her character to weaken before him, even if
he is the most beloved of all people towards her, and the most noble and honor
able of all human beings, so long as she is in the right and is adhering to the
way of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala). ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) set the
highest example of the strength of character of the Muslim woman who is proud of
her religion and understands what it is to be a true servant of Allah (Subhanahu
wa ta’ala) alone.
The Muslim woman should interpret ‘A’ishah’s attitude as an
attitude of superiority or arrogance, pushing her husband away. We have already
explained the duties of the Muslim woman towards her husband i.e., obedience,
loving kindness and seeking to please him, in accordance with Islamic teachings.
What we learn from the attitude of ‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) is the esteem and
honor with which Islam regards woman, so long as she adheres to the laws and
teachings of Islam. This is what gives her character strength, pride, honor and
wisdom.
Islam gives women rights and recognition which are envied by
Western women when they hear about women’s rights in Islam (see p. 92), This has
been freely admitted by women’s liberation activists in Arab countries, as we
have seen (see p. 58). Many of them have retracted their claims that Muslim
women need to be liberated; one such activist is Dr. El-Saadawi, who was
interviewed for the Kuwaiti newspaper al-Watan (mid-August 1989).
Dr. El-Saadawi was asked, “Do you think that the European women are
an example to be copied?” She replied, “No, not at all. European women have
advanced in some fields, but are backward in others. The marriage laws in Europe
oppress women, and this is what led to the development of women’s liberation
movements in those countries and in America, where this movement is very strong
and is even at times quite vicious.”
Then she remarked: “Our Islamic religion has given women more
rights than any other religion has, and has guaranteed her honor and pride, but
what has happened is that men have sometimes used certain aspects of this
religion to create a patriarchal class system in which males dominate females.”
Clearly this patriarchal oppression mentioned by Dr. El Saadawi,
which has led to the oppression of women, has been caused by ignorance of the
true teachings of Islam.
She is one of the most successful wives
This discussion of the intellectual, psychological and other
qualities of the smart Muslim wife demonstrates that she is a successful wife,
if not the most successful wife and the greatest blessing and good fortune that
a man may enjoy.
By virtue of her understanding of Islamic teaching, and her
fulfilling her duties towards her husband, she becomes the greatest joy of her
husband’s life: when he comes home, she greets him with a warm and friendly
smile, speaking kindly and sweetly, looking attractive and smart, with a clean
and tidy house, pleasant conversation, and a table full of good food, pleasing
him and making him happy.
She is obedient, kind and loving towards her husband, ever eager to
please him. She does not disclose his secrets or upset his plans. She stands
beside him at times of hardship, offering her support and wise advice. She
shares his joys and sorrows. She endears herself to him by the way she looks and
behaves, and fills his life with joy and happiness. She encourages him to obey
Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) in different ways, and motivates him by joining him
in different activities. She respects his mother and family. She refrains from
looking at other men. She keeps away from foolish and worthless talk. She is
keen to provide an atmosphere of peace, tranquility and stability for her
husband and children. She is strong of character without being rude or
aggressive, and is kind and gentle without being weak. She earns the respect of
those who speak to her. She is tolerant and forgiving, overlooking errors and
never bearing grudges.
Thus the Muslim wife deserves to be the most successful wife. She
is the greatest blessing that Allah (Subhanahu wa ta’ala) may bestow upon a man,
and an incomparable source of joy in this life. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam) indeed spoke the truth when he said:
“This world is nothing but temporary conveniences, and the greatest joy in this
world is a righteous woman.”73
__________________
Footnotes:
1.
Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab
istihbab nikah al-bikr.
2.
See Fath al-Bari, 9/194, Kitab al-nikah, bab
ikrah al-bint ‘ala al-zawaj; Ibn Majah, 1/602, Kitab al-nikah, bab man zawwaja
ibnatahu wa hiya karihah; al-Mabsut 5/2.
3.
Fath al-Bari, 9/395, Kitab al-talaq, bab
al-khul’.
4.
Fath al-Bari, 9/408, Kitab al-talaq, bab
shafa’at al-Nabi (r) fi zawj Barirah.
5.
A hasan hadith narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/274,
Abwab al-nikah, 3; and by Ibn Majah, 1/633, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-akfa’.
6.
Reported by al-Nisa’i with a sahih isnad,
6/114, Kitab al-nikah, bab al-tazwij ‘ala’l-Islam.
7.
Fath al-Bari, 7/476, Kitab al-maghazi, bab
ghazwat Khaybar.
8.
See Fath al-Bari, 7/71, Kitab fada’il
al-Sahabah, bab manaqib ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib; Sahih Muslim, 17/45, Kitab al-dhikr
wa’l-du’a’, bab al-tasbih awwal al-nahar wa ‘ind al-nawm.
9.
See Fath al-Bari, 9/319, Kitab al-nikah, bab
al-ghirah.
10.
Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzar; the men of
its isnad are rijal al-sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 9/4, Bab haqq al-zawj
‘ala’l-mar’ah.
11.
A hasan sahih hadith, narrated by Tirmidhi,
2/314, in Abwab a-rida’, 10.
12.
Reported by al-Bazzar with a hasan isnad.
See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/308, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah.
13.
Reported by Ahmad and al-Nisa’i with jayyid
isnads, and by al-Hakim, who said that its isnad was sahih. See al-Mundhiri,
Al-Targhib wa’l-Tarhib, 3/52, Kitab al-nikah.
14.
Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; its
narrators are thiqat. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/306, Bab haqq al-zawj
‘ala’l-mar’ah.
15.
Ibn Majah, 1/595, Kitab al-nikah, bab haqq
al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah; al-Hakim, 4/173, Kitab al-birr wa’l-silah; he said its
isnad is sahih.
16.
Reported by al-Tabarani. Its narrators are
those whose reports are accepted as sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/312.
17.
Fath al-Bari, 9/294, Kitab al-nikah, bab
idha batat al-mar’ah muhajirah firash zawjiha; Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab
al-nikah, bab tahrim imtina’ al-mar’ah min firash zawjiha.
18.
Sahih Muslim, 10/7, Kitab al-nikah, bab
tahrim imtina’ al-mar’ah min firash zawjiha.
19.
A sahih hadith narrated by al-Tabarani in
al-Awsat and al-Kabir. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/296, bab fi man yad’u zawjahu fa
ta’talla.
20.
Reported by al-Bazzar, whose narrators are
rijal al-sahih. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/312.
21.
A hasan sahih hadith narrated by Tirmidhi,
2/314, abwab al-rida’, 10, and by Ibn Hibban, Sahih, 9,473, kitab al-nikah.
22.
Sahih Muslim, 9/178, Kitab al-nikah, bab
nadab man ra’a imra’atan fa waqa’at fi nafsihi ila an ya’ti imra’atahu.
23.
Reported by Ibn Hibban in his Sahih, 12/178,
Kitab al-ashribah, 2, fasl fi’l-ashribah.
24.
Reported by al-Hakim, 2/190, Kitab al-nikah;
he said its isnad is sahih.
25.
Fath al-Bari, 9/295, Kitab al-nikah, bab la
ta’dhan al-mar’ah fi bayt zawjiha li ahad illa bi idhnihi.
26.
Sahih Muslim, 7/115, Kitab al-zakah, bab ajr
al-khazin wa’l-mar’ah idha tasaddaqat min bayt zawjaha.
27.
Bukhari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah,
9/327, Kitab al-’iddah, bab nafaqah al-awlad wa’l-aqarib.
28.
Bukhari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah,
9/327, Kitab al-imarah wa’l-qada’: bab al-ra’i mas’ul ‘an ra’iyatihi.
29.
See Sahih Muslim, 16/81, Kitab fada’il
al-Sahabah, bab min fada’il nisa’ Quraysh.
30.
Tawaf al-ifadah is one of the important
rites of Hajj. It is done on the tenth day of Dhu’l-Hijjah after sacrificing an
animal and shaving one’s head. [Translator]
31.
Sahih Muslim, 8/99, kitab al-Hajj, bab
istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram.
32.
Fath al-Bari, 3/585, Kitab al-Hajj, bab
al-tib.
33.
Sahih Muslim, 8/100, kitab al-Hajj, bab
istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram.
34.
Sahih Muslim, 8/100, kitab al-Hajj, bab
istihbab al-tib qabl al-ihram.
35.
Sahih Muslim, 3/208, Kitab al-hayd, bab
jawaz ghusl al-ha’id ra’as zawjiha wa tarjiluhu.
36.
Fath al-Bari, 1/403, Kitab al-hayd, bab
mubashirah al-ha’id; Sahih Muslim, 3/209, Kitab al-hayd, bab jawaz ghusl
al-ha’id ra’as zawjiha.
37.
Reported as sahih by Ibn Hibban, and with a
jayyid isnad by al-Bazzar; its narrators are well-known and are thiqat. See Ibn
al-Jawzi, Ahkam al-nisa’, p. 311.
38.
Jamharah khutab al-’arab, 1/145.
39.
Fath al-Bari, 3/328, Kitab al-zakat, bab
al-zakat ‘ala’l-zawj wa’l-aytam fi’l-hijr; Sahih Muslim, 7/86, Kitab al-zakat,
bab al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib.
40.
Fath al-Bari, 3/325, Kitab al-zakat, bab
al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib.
41.
Fath al-Bari, 3/325, Kitab al-zakat, bab
al-zakat ‘ala’l-aqarib; Sahih Muslim, 2/65, Kitab al-iman, bab bayan naqsan
al-iman bi naqs al-ta’at.
42.
Fath al-Bari, 1/83, Kitab al-iman, bab
kufran al-’ashir.
43.
Reported by Ahmad, 3/428; its narrators are
rijal al-sahih.
44.
Al-tabaqat al-kubra, 7/208-209.
45.
Sahih Muslim, 16/11, Kitab fada’il
al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm Sulaym.
46.
See Sahih Muslim, 16/11, Kitab fada’il
al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm Sulaym.
47.
From a lengthy hadith narrated by Bukhari
and Muslim. See Fath al-Bari, 5/116, Kitab al-mazalim, bab al-ghurfah
wa’l-’aliyyah al-mushrifah; Sahih Muslim, 7/195, Kitab al-siyam, bab bayan an
al-shahr yakun tis’an wa ‘ishrin.
48.
A hasan sahih hadith, reported by Tirmidhi,
2/329, abwab al-talaq, 11; Ibn Hibban, 9/490, Kitab al-nikah, bab ma’ashirah
al-zawjayn.
49.
Sahih Muslim, 10/8, Kitab al-nikah, bab
tahrim ifsha’ sirr al-mar’ah; Al-targhib wa’l-tarhib, 3/86, Kitab al-nikah, bab
al-tarhib min ifsha’ al-sirr bayna al-zawjayn.
50.
The story of the Prophet’s keeping way from
his wives is narrated by al-Bukhari, Muslim and others. See Fath al-Bari, 5/116,
kitab almazalim, bab al-ghurfah wa’l-aliyyah al-mushrifah, and 8/656, kitab
al-tafsir, Surat al-Tahrim; Sahih Muslim, 7/195, Kitab al-siyam, bab bayan an
al-shahr yakun tis’an wa ‘ishrin.
51.
See Fath al-Bari, 2/162, Kitab al-adhan, bab
man kana fi hajah ahlihi.
52.
Fath al-Bari, 1/23, Kitab bad’ al-wahy, bab
hadith ‘A’ishah awwal ma bada’a bihi al-wahy; Sahih Muslim, 2/197, Kitab
al-iman, bab bad’ al-wahy.
53.
Al-sirah, 1/254.
54.
Ibid., 1/257.
55.
Bukhari & Muslim. See Sharh al-Sunnah,
14/155, Kitab fada’il al-Sahabah, bab manaqib Khadijah.
56.
Al-Sirah, 3/331; see also Fath al-Bari,
6/281, Kitab al-jizyah wa’l-mawadi’ah, bab hadith Sahl ibn Hanif; Sahih Muslim,
12/141, Kitab al-jihad wa’l-siyar, bab sulh al-Hudaybiyah.
57.
Al-Sirah 3/331.
58.
The Prophet (r) was telling his Companions
to end the state of ihram which they had entered in order to perform ‘Umrah.
They had been prevented from entering Makkah, and were to wait until the
following year to perform ‘Umrah, but they did not want to abandon their hope of
performing ‘Umrah on this occasion. They did not want to accept the deal that
had been struck with the Quraysh, hence they were reluctant to end their ihram.
[Translator]
59.
Zad al-Ma’ad, 3:295, al-Tabari, 2/124.
60.
Sahih Muslim, 12/141, Kitab al-jihad
wa’l-siyar, bab sulh al-Hudaybiyah.
61.
See Sahih Muslim, 8/33, Kitab al-jana’iz,
bab al-lahd wa nasab al-laban ‘ala’l-mayit.
62.
Reported by Ahmad and al-Tabarani; its
narrators are rijal al-sahih. See also Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 9/324, Kitab
al-manaqib, bab ma ja’a fi Abi’l-Dahdah.
63.
Reported by Abu Dawud, 2/45, in Kitab
al-salah: bab qiyam al-layl, and by al-Hakim 1/309, Kitab salah al-tatawwu’; he
said that it is sahih according to the consitions of Muslim.
64.
Sahih Muslim, 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab
istihbab nikah al-bikr.
65.
Reported by Ahmad, 1/168; its narrators are
rijal al-sahih.
66.
Ibn al-Jawzi, Ahkam al-Nisa’, 343.
67.
Fath al-Bari, 9/484, Kitab al-talaq, bab
ihdad al-mutawafa ‘anha zawjuha.
68.
Reported by Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad,
1/310, Bab man la yashkur al-nas.
69.
Reported by al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, 2/190,
Kitab al-nikah; he said it is a hadith whose isnad is sahih.
70.
See Fath al-Bari, 9/338, Kitab al-nikah, bab
tabashir al-mar’ah al-mar’ah fatana’atha li zawjiha.
71.
See Sahih Muslim, 15/203, Kitab fada’il
al-Sahabah, bab fada’il Umm al-Mu’minin ‘A’ishah.
72.
Zad al-Ma’ad, 3/261-264. Sahih Muslim,
10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.
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| Addition Date: | Added on Aug,07,05 :: Last modified Aug,24,05 |
| Title: | The Ideal Muslim Woman and Her Husband |
| Author's name: | More Articles by Muhammad Ali Al-Hashimi |
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| Listed in Category: | Home: Islamic Virtual Library: Islamic Books And Literature: Social Issues eBooks: Women and Family: The Ideal Muslim Woman and Her Husband |
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